Making Your Kid Learn Something They Don't Want To

SOMETIMES - THEY DON'T WANT TO LEARN IT

There are many subjects my kids didn't want to learn. Also, tons of activities and skills they simply refused participate in - until I signed them up and made them do it. Only to find out they loved the topic or the activity.

GROWING UP WE HAVE TO DO THINGS WE DON'T WANT TO DO

Many of us wouldn't want to work if we didn't need food, house, or shelter. The thing is, as an adult, we need to do things we like and DON'T like exceptionally well. It's part of owning up to responsibility and expanding ourselves in intangible ways. Learning perseverance, ingenuity, exploring new things, expanding our ability to find something interesting in a topic that may not seem interesting.

TEACHING CHILDREN TO THRIVE IN SUBJECTS THEY DON'T LIKE HELPS THEM IN LIFE

Teaching your child to exceed under less than favorable circumstances actually enhances their ability to figure out better ways to get things done. 

Challenge them by teaching:

-If you don't like the topic, tell me how you would make it better?

-How can you learn this, but in a way that works for you?

-Teach me the topic

-How can you just get the job done?

HOW TO TEACH BORING TOPICS

Some strategies are: 

Get to know just the facts: Teach them to define six questions WHAT, WHEN, WHY, WHO and WHERE then ask the HOW. 

Ask them the (1) Why you don't like it? (2) State the problem and then the solution to the reason why you don't like it (3) Keep your materials neat and make you want to touch it (4) How can you stop procrastination? Do the subject before your favorites or be someone inspiring. (5) Draw the notes by mind mapping it 

Getting a positive start (1) Make the topic into a game. (2) Take small bites of the information and reward yourself with positive affirmations or music (3) Introduce it in light and comedic ways using videos or cartoons (4) Exercise for fun, jumping rope, jumping jacks, push ups, sit ups 

Expose your child by (1) Visual Stimulation a movie, video something light (2) Read it to get deeper (3) Write notes and/or draw notes for mind mapping (3) recite it (4) teach it (5) play a memory game with it (6) know the what, when, why, who, where and HOW

The Battle Of Wills. Your kids and You.

MY WILL is a bit STRONGER than my CHILD's

Because I will not allow them to make me give up on them. That doesn't mean I don't sometimes lose the battle and yell at them, punish them by taking away an activity or item, or have my own tantrum. Hey, momma is not perfect. We try not to 'lose' our composure, but my kids can probably find the kink in both my husband's and my armor of parental control better than anyone.

I am always researching, devising, and figuring out how to out do, persuade and decode my kid. They just have more time to do it than I do.

WHY WON'T HE DO HIS WORK FASTER?

This is one of my most frustrating parts of parenting and teaching. It's not just a HOMESCHOOL thing, it's a parent child thing. I had the same challenges with getting my kids to finish HOMEWORK FROM TRADITIONAL school. Or any 'extra' aftershooling they had to do just to keep up in their classes.

I have timed my kids. I know what they are capable of. My speed racer could finish his packed curriculum in 4 hrs a day if he is in the 'mood'. Other times (lately it's a lot of times) he drags it out while making faces, constant trips to the bathroom, the kitchen, stretching, clicks off screen and may not finish his goals for the day.

What happens when he prolongs school work planned for the week? He gives up his weekend (I don't take his sports from him though). He doesn't get to do any extra and has weekend school.

For this especially difficult year, he will be doing school through the summer since he is unlikely to finish all of his curriculum by the end of May (when we usually end full-day school).

That means (1) No summer camp that is fun (2) No day field trips (3) No Spring Break Camp (4) No electronics on the weekend or after hours.

For some reason, this year, the kid could care less. Me, however, it ticks me off, but I won't cut the school year short. I won't slim down his curriculum. He will complete it since to me he is being openly defiant.

IS THAT THE BUBBLING OF A TANTRUM I SEE?

Yes, now it's not loud the loud, kicking and screaming he used to do. It's the rigid set of his shoulders, the thin-lined lips, the silly expressions and out right refusal to get work done.

That means I (1) sit next to him and do my work (he hates this). (2) cut off all media. (3) take it back to the workbook (4) take away something he really wants or wants to do/go.

The truth is, it's exhausting. But I will not give up my creativity. I tell him he will finish this race, even if he takes a break along the way.

DID YOU JUST GO TO YOUTUBE INSTEAD OF YOUR ONLINE SCHOOL?

This is a consistent issue with him being in online classes and us no longer doing the Abeka DVDs with workbooks. It is a transition I am having my doubts about since it's a constant battle to keep him on one webpage, and focused. The child will slip a youtube music video, pandora, game or anything online to 'slack off' in class.

To combat this he has to turn his speakers up, have his computer facing me, or I use a program that allows me to pop into his computer.

Both of my sons tried my patience in this manner. It's the unpleasant part of parenting and it's made me an 'aggressive' speaking parent that I rarely have to become with my girls.

Now to be fair, the kids have this trait as a 'gift' from both their dad and I. It's not a bad trait, it's just irritating when it means the child can multi-focus on things that aren't important to the list of things they have to do.

YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR PHONE, BUT YOU ARE ON INSTAGRAM?

Aha! This is another issue. The kid is a computer genius! He has found little apps that allow him to access social media without actually going on his phone or a web page. Grrrrrrr!

As I am typing this, I am seriously considering going back to workbooks since I didn't have this issue before. However, the kid is getting older and has to learn some self control in order to be mature enough for the next phase of learning.

WAYS WE HAVE CIRCUMVENTED the SABATOGUE of WORK COMPLETION?

Now, this is the hard part. Being creative with blocking these attempts to procrastinate. We've tried it all and will likely have to figure out more tactics in this.

The first rule is TRY NOT TO GET ANGRY AT THEM, it's the hardest rule of all for most parents.

1) Use a timer
2) Remove all temptations to procrastinate
3) Schedule in lots of breaks that relieve energy and stress
4) Do topic check ups where you make sure the child isn't procrastinating because the work is too difficult
5) Give rewards for finishing and doing it on time
6) Allow some zone out or goof off time
7) Schedule in a 'make up' day or days for when goals aren't reach

I WON'T TAKE HIS SPORTS or OUTSIDE PLAYTIME AWAY

The one and final rule I have is not to punish my children by taking away their time to play with other kids. This is so important for homeschooled kids that I try to find other ways to discipline and they know that this

HOW DO YOU deal WITH THE BATTLE OF WILLS?

Procrastination? Angry Faces? Stubborn disobedience?

The Transforming of My STONG-WILLED Child

TRANSFORM that STRONG-WILLED CHILD into a STRONG WOMAN or MAN

It can happen! Now with a young man of 21 years old, and a maturing young man of 12 yrs old, I can see the light. And realize that in spite of myself, I DID SOMETHING RIGHT.

RECITE to make it RIGHT

One thing I tried when homeschooling my youngest son, that did wonders, was to create a CALM DOWN LIST. It was a list of to do's that taught him (by reciting daily and whenever he had problems controlling his temper) how to calm down, relax, redirect, or accept.

Doing this daily, having everyone on board to know and recite it imprinted these tools into my son's mind and over the course of one year, he knew how to put those tips into action. Even though he wanted to have a tantrum, act out, he knew how to redirect it or squash it.

I made the list SPECIFIC TO THE CHILD and researched calming techniques, thoughts to inject and actions to implement it.

Also, we trained them to 'THINK THROUGH THE PROCESS' by asking yourself, 'Why am I doing this? What will the consequences be? Can I make amends?" and other questions. We ask those same questions every time the child went haywire, lol!

After awhile, they would offer up the answers, but truly identify with the apology or follow-up decisions.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY

The other thing I reflected that worked with both boys, is to be consistent in my reaction to them. It was hard not to yell, scream and curse them out (oh yeah, they can take me there), but MOST TIMES (hey, mom's not perfect) I was consistent, non-effected outwardly, by their actions.

If I gave a punishment, I tried to think on it, make it conducive to the lesson I wanted to teach the child, and discuss with my spouse. However, for typical behavior, we had a consequence board that left no argument or debate on what the punishment was.

An example of this is when my oldest daughter yelled at her sister that 'at school you are not my sister!'. That day, her punishment was that I took her own bedroom from her. She had to share a room with her sister until she learned 'humility' and kindness. Six months later, we decorated and opened up her own bedroom because she had changed greatly.

TAKE THE TIME TO BUILD FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD

Yes, you have to play with them. Not just parent. Play with them, talk to them, every single day. Work at building a deep and trusting relationship with them.

If they tell you they did something freely (even if it is punishable) don't punish, but talk them through it.

This friendship will blossom into adulthood and is truly the solidifying glue to working with a strong-willed child.

ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS that lead them to THE RIGHT SOLUTION

Learn to ask them questions, instead of always TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO. Guide them to find the right and wrong in the specific situation.

When they answer in the right manner - rarely, can they dispute the facts.

Also, IT TEACHES THEM TO REASON WITH THEMSELVES when they are being talked into or out of a situation.

FIND THEM THE RIGHT TRIBE OF FRIENDS

Birds of a feather, typically flock together. Kids conform (good or bad) to those other kids around them that they want to have as friends.

Sports, and ROTC programs like the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) program camps that teach discipline all have been a great outlet for my sons and given them a great group of friends that are focused on positive things.

I also put my oldest son through EMT training if for nothing but to teach him discipline, garner his desire to help others and that training and volunteering matured him in many ways. It also gave him other strong male mentors besides his great supportive dad who coached him in most all his sports teams.

TIMES YOU WILL SEE CHANGES

After my first son had grown, and my now youngest is doing so, I realized there are some actual ages in development where they start to CALM DOWN and THINK MORE CLEARLY. Also, we would sing the psalm "NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER" and do prayer meditation.

The age for my boys was 12 years old. At that age - they just mellowed out.

Then it was a different type of wild from age 14 yrs to 21 yrs.

My husband says the age of 25 yrs old is where males become less impulsive. I actually researched his answer and he was correct. Their act of reasoning matures, making them more cautious and thoughtful about their decisions at that age. ESPECIALLY, when they are taught to be thoughtful about their task.

REALIZE YOU HAVE A STRONG, DETERMINED individual in a TINY BODY

It reminds me of the Incredibles movie when the movie ended and they play the skit about the baby who now has all these uncontrollable super powers. My oldest son and youngest son reminds me of that kid.

And you know what? They grow up to be better able to harness and utilize those gifts of creativity, impulsive, and determination.

Keep them BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

Breakdancing and Capoiera were great tools for my son. Also, running. It gave him something to do with his nervous energy and taught him discipline. It put him with strong male role models and teachers.

We also had a EXERCISE IN A HAT game we played when I saw he was getting ansy or irritable where he would pick an activity out of our hat and he would do that activity (jumping jacks, hop ups, run in circle) for 2 minutes. Then decide if he wanted to go back to work.

SLEEP was a big factor. He did have mild 'sleep apnea' and had his tonsils removed. It helped a lot. But he also had insomnia (like both his dad and I) so we allowed him to sleep in the room with us longer.

THEY DID GROW UP INTO STRONG PEOPLE

My oldest son's teacher in 1st grade who'd 'recommended' he be medicated, met him as he picked up his brother Speed Racer from camp.

All the joking my oldest had done in class, he'd turned into an advertising business and did stand up comedy.

His former teacher was shocked and commented on the 'great young man he'd turned into'. My son however, didn't forget how mean and unbending this teacher was.

SHOW THEM LOVE DURING THE DAY

Nothing beats a hug, kiss or positive word and reinforcements throughout the day. Turn the 'negative' talk into MANY POSITIVE VOICES to reinforce their self-esteem.
 

EVEN if YOU MEDICATE YOUR CHILD THEY NEED TO HAVE TOOLS FOR SUCCESS

There are kids that I've seen, my husband had grown up with (he was adopted and his mom had lots of foster kids with challenges) that need medication, but without tools and behavior modification, medicating doesn't work.

Also, be cautious about medicating as the US is one of the largest countries to aggressively over medicate children.

We never medicated, but did talk to their doctor who was conservative on these matters and suggested that we wait til the child was 12 or 13 yrs old. As well as the doctor gave us tips on improving our boys energy and distractions.

We found that even though both boys bounced off the walls, seemed to not pay attention - they were taking it all in. They just liked moving around to do it.

Give your kids the tools for success.