The Transforming of My STONG-WILLED Child

TRANSFORM that STRONG-WILLED CHILD into a STRONG WOMAN or MAN

It can happen! Now with a young man of 21 years old, and a maturing young man of 12 yrs old, I can see the light. And realize that in spite of myself, I DID SOMETHING RIGHT.

RECITE to make it RIGHT

One thing I tried when homeschooling my youngest son, that did wonders, was to create a CALM DOWN LIST. It was a list of to do's that taught him (by reciting daily and whenever he had problems controlling his temper) how to calm down, relax, redirect, or accept.

Doing this daily, having everyone on board to know and recite it imprinted these tools into my son's mind and over the course of one year, he knew how to put those tips into action. Even though he wanted to have a tantrum, act out, he knew how to redirect it or squash it.

I made the list SPECIFIC TO THE CHILD and researched calming techniques, thoughts to inject and actions to implement it.

Also, we trained them to 'THINK THROUGH THE PROCESS' by asking yourself, 'Why am I doing this? What will the consequences be? Can I make amends?" and other questions. We ask those same questions every time the child went haywire, lol!

After awhile, they would offer up the answers, but truly identify with the apology or follow-up decisions.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY

The other thing I reflected that worked with both boys, is to be consistent in my reaction to them. It was hard not to yell, scream and curse them out (oh yeah, they can take me there), but MOST TIMES (hey, mom's not perfect) I was consistent, non-effected outwardly, by their actions.

If I gave a punishment, I tried to think on it, make it conducive to the lesson I wanted to teach the child, and discuss with my spouse. However, for typical behavior, we had a consequence board that left no argument or debate on what the punishment was.

An example of this is when my oldest daughter yelled at her sister that 'at school you are not my sister!'. That day, her punishment was that I took her own bedroom from her. She had to share a room with her sister until she learned 'humility' and kindness. Six months later, we decorated and opened up her own bedroom because she had changed greatly.

TAKE THE TIME TO BUILD FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD

Yes, you have to play with them. Not just parent. Play with them, talk to them, every single day. Work at building a deep and trusting relationship with them.

If they tell you they did something freely (even if it is punishable) don't punish, but talk them through it.

This friendship will blossom into adulthood and is truly the solidifying glue to working with a strong-willed child.

ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS that lead them to THE RIGHT SOLUTION

Learn to ask them questions, instead of always TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO. Guide them to find the right and wrong in the specific situation.

When they answer in the right manner - rarely, can they dispute the facts.

Also, IT TEACHES THEM TO REASON WITH THEMSELVES when they are being talked into or out of a situation.

FIND THEM THE RIGHT TRIBE OF FRIENDS

Birds of a feather, typically flock together. Kids conform (good or bad) to those other kids around them that they want to have as friends.

Sports, and ROTC programs like the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) program camps that teach discipline all have been a great outlet for my sons and given them a great group of friends that are focused on positive things.

I also put my oldest son through EMT training if for nothing but to teach him discipline, garner his desire to help others and that training and volunteering matured him in many ways. It also gave him other strong male mentors besides his great supportive dad who coached him in most all his sports teams.

TIMES YOU WILL SEE CHANGES

After my first son had grown, and my now youngest is doing so, I realized there are some actual ages in development where they start to CALM DOWN and THINK MORE CLEARLY. Also, we would sing the psalm "NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER" and do prayer meditation.

The age for my boys was 12 years old. At that age - they just mellowed out.

Then it was a different type of wild from age 14 yrs to 21 yrs.

My husband says the age of 25 yrs old is where males become less impulsive. I actually researched his answer and he was correct. Their act of reasoning matures, making them more cautious and thoughtful about their decisions at that age. ESPECIALLY, when they are taught to be thoughtful about their task.

REALIZE YOU HAVE A STRONG, DETERMINED individual in a TINY BODY

It reminds me of the Incredibles movie when the movie ended and they play the skit about the baby who now has all these uncontrollable super powers. My oldest son and youngest son reminds me of that kid.

And you know what? They grow up to be better able to harness and utilize those gifts of creativity, impulsive, and determination.

Keep them BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

Breakdancing and Capoiera were great tools for my son. Also, running. It gave him something to do with his nervous energy and taught him discipline. It put him with strong male role models and teachers.

We also had a EXERCISE IN A HAT game we played when I saw he was getting ansy or irritable where he would pick an activity out of our hat and he would do that activity (jumping jacks, hop ups, run in circle) for 2 minutes. Then decide if he wanted to go back to work.

SLEEP was a big factor. He did have mild 'sleep apnea' and had his tonsils removed. It helped a lot. But he also had insomnia (like both his dad and I) so we allowed him to sleep in the room with us longer.

THEY DID GROW UP INTO STRONG PEOPLE

My oldest son's teacher in 1st grade who'd 'recommended' he be medicated, met him as he picked up his brother Speed Racer from camp.

All the joking my oldest had done in class, he'd turned into an advertising business and did stand up comedy.

His former teacher was shocked and commented on the 'great young man he'd turned into'. My son however, didn't forget how mean and unbending this teacher was.

SHOW THEM LOVE DURING THE DAY

Nothing beats a hug, kiss or positive word and reinforcements throughout the day. Turn the 'negative' talk into MANY POSITIVE VOICES to reinforce their self-esteem.
 

EVEN if YOU MEDICATE YOUR CHILD THEY NEED TO HAVE TOOLS FOR SUCCESS

There are kids that I've seen, my husband had grown up with (he was adopted and his mom had lots of foster kids with challenges) that need medication, but without tools and behavior modification, medicating doesn't work.

Also, be cautious about medicating as the US is one of the largest countries to aggressively over medicate children.

We never medicated, but did talk to their doctor who was conservative on these matters and suggested that we wait til the child was 12 or 13 yrs old. As well as the doctor gave us tips on improving our boys energy and distractions.

We found that even though both boys bounced off the walls, seemed to not pay attention - they were taking it all in. They just liked moving around to do it.

Give your kids the tools for success.

SUMMER-WHAT’S ON THE HORIZON?

DOES LEARNING STOP?

Nope, this summer we will be taking it easy. Our break starts June 5^th through July 14^th. During that time the kids will be having fun.

PRE - SUMMER subjects are from April 1st - June 5th is when or core curriculum is done but we learn in a different and fun way.

 

Some of the items I’m looking to keep them using during the SPRING before Summer is:

Teaching Textbooks

Uzinggo

Youth Digital (MOD Design)

Time4Learning

Tynker

The Focus is MATH and ELECTIVES

GOAL TIME: 1.5 hour tops from Mon-Thu

EXPLORING MORE THIS SUMMER!

Camps are a major plus for my family. When they were in traditional school they couldn’t wait to do Sleep Away camps and Day Camps. They didn’t want curriculum or typical learning camps they wanted FUN! FRIENDS! And ADVENTURE!

There are several Christian based sleep away camps we are trying out this year.

River Valley Ranch

Camp Wannabee

Also, they will be going to a fun-filled Day Camp at a local Private School

Adventure Camp

Circus Camp (yes, my son went for SPRING CAMP but they have a 2 week SUMMER CAMP)

WHY SEND YOUR KIDS TO CAMPS?

One aspect about Traditional School my kids loved was experiencing seeing and meeting other kids all day. The problem with the schools they went to were the kids rarely got to interact with the exception of 25 minutes during lunch.

The major friendships were gained with consistent after

-Sports

-Before/After Care Camps

- Summer Camps

- Play dates

So by sending your kids to fun camps, you are taking the best part of the traditional school experience and giving them a chance to ‘socialize’ and explore.

THIS WEEK of CHAOS

So, just to sum up our week. We've started the first week of our SPRING FLING and have a really light school schedule.

Speed Racer was sick a day this week but got through the following:

Math 6 Teaching Textbooks (4 lessons and is on lesson 50)

Writing and Rhetoric (4 exercises finished)

Tynker.com (worked through the first part of Lesson 1)

Xtramath.org (now is on multiplication facts did 4 days this week)

Language Arts Time4Learning (he's really having fun with this 'light' curriculum and did 4 days of it)

Math Time4Learning (this is more fun and interacive for him and he did 3 Lessons)

Social Studies Time4Learning (He did 2 of these)

History Time4Learning (He didn't like this since it was a lot of reading and only did 1 day of this)

Music Appreciation Education-Portal.com (loves this actually did 5 lessons)

Piano Online Hoffman Academy (1 lesson https://www.hoffmanacademy.com/)

Tiger Lilly is focusting on Analyzing Literature CLEP test for next week

Java with MOD Design Youth Digital

Game Design 2 Youth Digital

Analyzing Literature CLEP Study (Petersons Test, REA Test, SpeedyPrep Flashcards, Quizlet Flashcards)

So have you started planning summer?

What's your summer Adventure?

CAN LABELING CHILDREN BY THIER BEHAVIOR BE HARMFUL

I've met LOTs and LOTs of parents, teachers and non-parents who are closet MDs. That whenever they see a child act a certain way or behave a certain way they have a name for it.

Sad to say we throw around the word/diagnosis "ADD" or "ADHD" like it's a band aid for all types of kids.  We even joke about it, like it's nothing but a 'catch phrase' to explain super-activity or no focus.

I know we love having a name and a box for people, especially children, but it has been proven to be completely overdone.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG THERE WAS NO NAME

There wasn't very many people knowledgeable about ADD or ADHD or AUTISM or OPPOSITIONAL DEFIENCE when I was younger. However, there was a use of the word, "STRONG WILLED CHILD". And I hate to admit it, but I like the 'strong willed child' label better.

With the onset of medicating kids, some who really needed, others who could go without, and most who are seriously MIS-DIAGNOSED by people who aren't professionals in the medical field. I prefer things when I was younger.

Even if a kid had tendencies or issues above, society, parents, teachers, and even other kids just adjusted to it.

WHY DO PARENTS INTRODUCE A CHILD'S LABEL WITH THE CHILD'S NAME

This personally upsets me. I have met parents who tell me their kids name, then explain to me all the medical issues their kid has in one sentence. Truth is, "I want to know your kid without their diagnosis."

Try not focusing on your child's differences or challenges. Focus on ALL the positive blessings having such a child yields.

I want to tell these parents - 'Your child can hear you telling all their business' (remember my grandma said you don't need to tell everyone all your business, let them get to know you on their own)

HOW DOES YOUR LABELING AFFECT YOUR CHILD?

When a parent spells out to other parents, kids, etc that something is wrong with their kid before you even get to interact with the child, I'm sure that kid feels awful.

Your kid hears it EVERYTIME you say it. 'Well you know he's got ADD' or 'She's been diagnosed as ...'

I used to watch my neighbor's daughters cringe whenever their mom met a new lady or kids and she had to share that two of her girls suffered from 'ADHD' and they were adopted. I had to wonder if the parent was doing this for herself - to make us other parents feel bad for her kids/or her - or to prepare us to not judge when she couldn't or wouldn't attempt to control the behavior of her child.

Before you say something about your child while your kid is standing there, imagine how'd you feel if your parent, husband, or even child mentioned ... 'Mommy and Daddy have yelling problems'.

MISSING THE MARK - WRONG ASSUMPTIONS

Now for the longest, I've had people assume that my BOYs were 'ADD' or 'ADHD' because they both were high energy, strong personalities and they sometimes had tantrums (oh my!).

But what people didn't know that both of my sons were subjected to bullying and mistreatment by several teachers and students while in school.

Those situations caused both kids to kind of gain a 'Fight Back' spirit. They were great and well mannered at home. But at school they were aggressive, verbal, and rather bored.

After taking both of my boys at different times to doctors for evaluation, their Pediatrician and Therapist noted that they were fine, intelligent kids and they would out grow much of their hyper and impulsive 'kid' behavior.

You know what? They did. The magical age was 12 yrs old for my oldest son. My youngest son is turning  10 yrs old and with homeschooling he's totally calmed down.

Somethings I noticed about my kids - they lacked the proper amount of sleep. My youngest suffered from 'Sleep Apnea' so we had his tonsils and abnoids removed. It made a big difference in his sleeping habbits and crankiness.

GET A DIAGNOSIS FROM A DOCTOR...not A-wanna be

So I mention this to say, before you allow yourself to be 'bullied' into thinking you need to medicate or evaluate your child. Go to a certified DOCTOR! A teacher, a friend, your mom, is not qualified to make these diagnosis based on their personal opinion.

WHAT HAS YOUR EXPERIENCE BEEN WITH LABELING?

When it is ALL Worth It!

Today I wanted to jump for joy! My daughter, the 7th grader, told me that she is learning more from mommy homeschooling her than she ever learned in her middle school. Then she hugged me. All this while I was showing her how to do a science test (produced by my boxed curriculum I use).

It's times like these where working a day gig at the crack of dawn, and foregoing afterwork happy hours to rush home to teach my children makes it all worth it.

My husband and partner in teaching works late in the afternoon til night to go over the kids homework as well as facilitate lessons but he does it without complaint.

So when you want to just dive into the bed and not come out until you are dragged out - just remember why we are doing this.

So if you are a FRUGAL HOMESCHOOLER looking for FREE Curriculums, check out this site: http://allinonehomeschool.com/