The Power Of Rest

When you are a working and homeschooling parent, it's especially hard to make time for yourself to get rest. It's not about just your rest, but also about your family rest time.

HAVE A STANDARD RESTING HOUR

Plan to take a moment to be quiet, to sit and think, to nap. This is something we did a lot when our kids were all young. We had family nap time. Now, it's easy to forget to do that when kids are involved in activities outside the home. We have made it a point to do this weekly now. Usually, on the weekend, we have a set hour where we just nap or be quiet in our own spaces. It has kept us revitalized.

• Sneak in a power nap while taking kids to activities
• Do a family nap time daily
• Create a quiet space for yourself in the house
• Trade off a nap time with your spouse
• Let the kids know you need a nap too
• Let the kids sleep in
• Put them to bed early

MAKE SURE YOU GET AT LEAST 7 HOURS OF SLEEP

I prided myself on not requiring much sleep. I could keep going on 4 hours sleep each day for at least five days. However, when I started trying to lose weight, I found I only had success the weeks that I had at least 6 to 8 hours of rest. This was eye opening. Then I did research that validated my discovery. Parents need at least 6 to 8 hours, but our kids need more. Kids should have 9 to 10 hours sleep. So if your kid wants to sleep in all the time, let them, make up the work at other times, but for their health, let them rest.

WATCH FOR SIGNS FOR FATIGUE

This isn't just about the parents, we know when we are tired. Usually, we also need to think about the amount of coffee we are consuming. For kids, this is especially important. We need to be watchful of signs that they are tired. Older kids suffer from this just as much as younger ones. Many times my kids would stay up all night playing video games and can't seem to get up to be productive. It's because they needed rest. In those instances, I just let them rest, but locked up the video games the next few days to get them back on schedule.

SELF CARE

Remember, if you are going to be a working homeschooling parent, a wife, a parent, and all the other things we seem to take on, you deserve some self-care time. Schedule it in, make it a priority. It will be part of the reason that you can successfully keep doing it all.

What do you do to get rest?

The Transforming of My STONG-WILLED Child

TRANSFORM that STRONG-WILLED CHILD into a STRONG WOMAN or MAN

It can happen! Now with a young man of 21 years old, and a maturing young man of 12 yrs old, I can see the light. And realize that in spite of myself, I DID SOMETHING RIGHT.

RECITE to make it RIGHT

One thing I tried when homeschooling my youngest son, that did wonders, was to create a CALM DOWN LIST. It was a list of to do's that taught him (by reciting daily and whenever he had problems controlling his temper) how to calm down, relax, redirect, or accept.

Doing this daily, having everyone on board to know and recite it imprinted these tools into my son's mind and over the course of one year, he knew how to put those tips into action. Even though he wanted to have a tantrum, act out, he knew how to redirect it or squash it.

I made the list SPECIFIC TO THE CHILD and researched calming techniques, thoughts to inject and actions to implement it.

Also, we trained them to 'THINK THROUGH THE PROCESS' by asking yourself, 'Why am I doing this? What will the consequences be? Can I make amends?" and other questions. We ask those same questions every time the child went haywire, lol!

After awhile, they would offer up the answers, but truly identify with the apology or follow-up decisions.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY

The other thing I reflected that worked with both boys, is to be consistent in my reaction to them. It was hard not to yell, scream and curse them out (oh yeah, they can take me there), but MOST TIMES (hey, mom's not perfect) I was consistent, non-effected outwardly, by their actions.

If I gave a punishment, I tried to think on it, make it conducive to the lesson I wanted to teach the child, and discuss with my spouse. However, for typical behavior, we had a consequence board that left no argument or debate on what the punishment was.

An example of this is when my oldest daughter yelled at her sister that 'at school you are not my sister!'. That day, her punishment was that I took her own bedroom from her. She had to share a room with her sister until she learned 'humility' and kindness. Six months later, we decorated and opened up her own bedroom because she had changed greatly.

TAKE THE TIME TO BUILD FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD

Yes, you have to play with them. Not just parent. Play with them, talk to them, every single day. Work at building a deep and trusting relationship with them.

If they tell you they did something freely (even if it is punishable) don't punish, but talk them through it.

This friendship will blossom into adulthood and is truly the solidifying glue to working with a strong-willed child.

ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS that lead them to THE RIGHT SOLUTION

Learn to ask them questions, instead of always TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO. Guide them to find the right and wrong in the specific situation.

When they answer in the right manner - rarely, can they dispute the facts.

Also, IT TEACHES THEM TO REASON WITH THEMSELVES when they are being talked into or out of a situation.

FIND THEM THE RIGHT TRIBE OF FRIENDS

Birds of a feather, typically flock together. Kids conform (good or bad) to those other kids around them that they want to have as friends.

Sports, and ROTC programs like the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) program camps that teach discipline all have been a great outlet for my sons and given them a great group of friends that are focused on positive things.

I also put my oldest son through EMT training if for nothing but to teach him discipline, garner his desire to help others and that training and volunteering matured him in many ways. It also gave him other strong male mentors besides his great supportive dad who coached him in most all his sports teams.

TIMES YOU WILL SEE CHANGES

After my first son had grown, and my now youngest is doing so, I realized there are some actual ages in development where they start to CALM DOWN and THINK MORE CLEARLY. Also, we would sing the psalm "NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER" and do prayer meditation.

The age for my boys was 12 years old. At that age - they just mellowed out.

Then it was a different type of wild from age 14 yrs to 21 yrs.

My husband says the age of 25 yrs old is where males become less impulsive. I actually researched his answer and he was correct. Their act of reasoning matures, making them more cautious and thoughtful about their decisions at that age. ESPECIALLY, when they are taught to be thoughtful about their task.

REALIZE YOU HAVE A STRONG, DETERMINED individual in a TINY BODY

It reminds me of the Incredibles movie when the movie ended and they play the skit about the baby who now has all these uncontrollable super powers. My oldest son and youngest son reminds me of that kid.

And you know what? They grow up to be better able to harness and utilize those gifts of creativity, impulsive, and determination.

Keep them BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

Breakdancing and Capoiera were great tools for my son. Also, running. It gave him something to do with his nervous energy and taught him discipline. It put him with strong male role models and teachers.

We also had a EXERCISE IN A HAT game we played when I saw he was getting ansy or irritable where he would pick an activity out of our hat and he would do that activity (jumping jacks, hop ups, run in circle) for 2 minutes. Then decide if he wanted to go back to work.

SLEEP was a big factor. He did have mild 'sleep apnea' and had his tonsils removed. It helped a lot. But he also had insomnia (like both his dad and I) so we allowed him to sleep in the room with us longer.

THEY DID GROW UP INTO STRONG PEOPLE

My oldest son's teacher in 1st grade who'd 'recommended' he be medicated, met him as he picked up his brother Speed Racer from camp.

All the joking my oldest had done in class, he'd turned into an advertising business and did stand up comedy.

His former teacher was shocked and commented on the 'great young man he'd turned into'. My son however, didn't forget how mean and unbending this teacher was.

SHOW THEM LOVE DURING THE DAY

Nothing beats a hug, kiss or positive word and reinforcements throughout the day. Turn the 'negative' talk into MANY POSITIVE VOICES to reinforce their self-esteem.
 

EVEN if YOU MEDICATE YOUR CHILD THEY NEED TO HAVE TOOLS FOR SUCCESS

There are kids that I've seen, my husband had grown up with (he was adopted and his mom had lots of foster kids with challenges) that need medication, but without tools and behavior modification, medicating doesn't work.

Also, be cautious about medicating as the US is one of the largest countries to aggressively over medicate children.

We never medicated, but did talk to their doctor who was conservative on these matters and suggested that we wait til the child was 12 or 13 yrs old. As well as the doctor gave us tips on improving our boys energy and distractions.

We found that even though both boys bounced off the walls, seemed to not pay attention - they were taking it all in. They just liked moving around to do it.

Give your kids the tools for success.

Keeping Active, Ansy, Kids Focused with Fun!

HAT OF RE-DIRECTION

Yeah, I have wigglers, kidders, and all around goofy kids.

I try several things to redirect them.

I had to use this more when we first started homeschooling.

How to use this hat full of exercises, things to do, to re-direct.

When you notice your kid starting to goof off. Make them an offer:

1) Decide to get back on task
2) Pick a task out of the hat

What's in the HAT?

1) Timed exercises
2) Goofy concentration games that are physical
3) All under 5 min
4) With directions on how much time to set on the timer

Exercises and Goofy Concentration Games In Our Hat

Jumping Jacks, push ups, run in place, squats, stretches, sit-ups, wall stands (any exercise you can find)

Stand on one foot, draw a quick masterpeice, read out loud a funny comic, play the silent game, stare at a picture until you can see the 3 D image.

We No Longer use it as much now.

Why? Because my kids now want to finish - go to their activity of the day - and play video games (their reward for finishing all their work).

WEEKLY WRAP UP

Tiger Lilly is doing AWESOME with her online classes and Dual Credit College course. She's found a rythm and we've shortened some of her days to work with her long classes. She's now down to just 3 Abeka courses, she's finished most all of the others.  We are having to get her some help on a roadblock she hit with Algebra 2 concepts and Editing skills.

I had to sit with her the first week to review how to log onto her college course. I also created a calender lesson log with all her task and due dates spelled out. This is working for her. Next semester (starts on Jan 26th) I'll teach her to do it for herself.

We purchased the dress for the homeschool Fire & Ice Dance for this Friday.

Also, we signed her up for a dance class, for exercise. She'll still be doing martial arts.


Speed Racer had a great week. His schedule is more involved in someways for me. The parts that are independent he is doing well. Math (fractions and decimals) are still his struggle. We are working on that. As well as his writing, so we are having him doin Time4Writing (paragraphs then essay). It really just seems like he's a lazy writer.

Hands on homeschooling is hard on a working parent. He has several classes I'm working with him one on one. Anatomy, Spelling You See, American History, Speed Reading, Saxon Math. He enjoys these subjects and working with me, so I can dedicate the next few months doing this with him. But next school year, I'll cut this to 2 subjects per semester.

Since Monday was a freezing rain day, and Speed Racer slept later than usual, we skipped dance class for him so he could finish his work.

Rose (my older daughter) dropped in after her job interview. She got the job as a PT - Tech by the way. As well as she had an offer for summer employment. Not to mention, she is also taking 2 college courses over the winter break because she just wants to be finished. Now we are doing her scholarship applications (about 26 of them) and she's applying for computer programming summer internship jobs.

Razor Ray (my oldest son) came over also to ask my help in setting up his resume and submission to jobs search websites. I helped him with his cover letter. Then we did his monthly budget and financial planning since he desires to move into another apartment in August. My husband and I are not supporting him financially for his final years in college so he will have to work two jobs for the summer to save up for his expenses during the school year if he won't be moving back home with us. He currently works one job, but is working hard to get another this summer.

WORKING PARENT's LOG

Meals. Didn't get to do any prep really. I did have some meat that I'd season, then thawed for dinner on Monday. However, the rest of the week my hubby picked up fast food. I hope to get back on track next week since I will be off work on Monday.

Cleaning. Nope, did none really. We'd just gotten back from our holiday cruise, then had one week where we started our new coursework. Also, Sunday, we went to New York to visit family so the house is still wrecked from the end of the year.

Work & Life Balance. Still wonky since I am having to do more hands on homeschooling with Speed Racer. Now when I get home I don't get any time to do my side business so I'm behind on deadlines there. The day gig is going well and I'm enjoying what the day to day work is and the team I work with.

Lesson Planning. Am working on the next two weeks of lesson plans since I will have to move courses around a bit for Tiger Lilly since her Winter College Course semester will end and she will start her Spring Semester taking 3 classes.

Rest. I got plenty this week since Monday we had freezing rain - so I slept in. Then took power naps the rest of the week. Wednesday I actually went to bed at 7pm and my hubby took over for me. It was great. But Thursday I had to wash and style my oldest daughter's hair so it was a late night that I paid for in just 4 hrs sleep before going to work Friday.

Sleeping In - A HomeSchooling Working Momma's Advantage

See this little guy? Speed Racer? Yeah  - him. He is an insomniac that truly requires 10-12 hours sleep.

SLEEP!

When people ask me about homeschooling my kids - and pulling it off while working - they assume I wake these kiddos up early to get school done.

They sleep in.

Hubba sleeps in.

Although, that wasn't the plan originally. Hubba was supposed to wake the kids up at 7:30am, get them fed and start instruction at 8am. Didn't happen.

Why? Well because my Hubba is a night owl. Always has been. He would stay up until 4am-5am in the morning, watching TV or playing video games for as long as I've known him (and I've known him since he was 15yrs old). His family even told stories of how he would stay up until the TV went off with his grandfather.

MORE SLEEP!

So why would I think my kids would be different? So...Speed Racer's sleeping patterns is a most like his father's.

Tiger Lilly is my earlier riser, she typically goes to bed around 1-2am and wakes up at 10am (she sets her clock so she can eat and get started on her work in peace before Speed Racer gets up."

WAKE UP TIME

For Speed Racer, his sister Tiger Lilly wakes him up at 12pm. Yep, you heard me correctly - 12pm in the afternoon.

BENEFITS OF SLEEPING IN

This ability to go to bed at a natural time and wake up at a later time has been a MAJOR slice of improvement in Speed Racer's general mood and behavior.

It wasn't until I'd actually compared his current behavior with his grumpiness when he was in traditional school that I noticed the change.

Now don't get me wrong, he's still a typical Tween with challenges we have to work on, but his general mood about and response is more positive because - he gets proper sleep now.

WEEKLY WRAP UP

Report Card time! Yep, I create report cards for the kids at the end of each quarter so that they know how they faired. AND the tell me - momma and hubba what we need to do to improve their learning in their hardest subjects.

This week was a breeze! Why?

Hubba is back teaching evenings! Woot! That means that I am getting to bed by 10pm each night and a lot more is getting done.

Older sister Rose administered school one day this week which helped me to catch up on rest.

Speed Racer 6th Grader

He is really loving Spelling You See and Sequential Spelling as his new core spelling program. We are still going over and typing the Abeka spelling words into SpellingCity for fun but I am not testing him on the words yet.

SandiegoScribblers: It's turning out to be too much for Speed Racer. We are falling behind in this class and having to do it on the weekends. He is requiring a lot of help with this one.

Spanish we are using Mango Languages and learning words & phrases.

The Arts, we are still reading through our book A Child's Introduction to Art: The World's Greatest Paintings and Sculptures and using ArtTango.com for free drawing.

Math Lab we had to take a step back in Teaching Textbooks and are reviewing Fractions since Speed Racer isn't doing well with it. We are using IXL.com for extra practice.

Technology is going great. Tynker.com has proven to be a full program for Speed Racer and he still is working on it (he started mid summer). However, he has his eye on YouthDigital.com Mod design.

TypingWeb.com - is really improving his typing skills. He does 10 min of this a day and doesn't complain too much about it.

All other classes (Bible, Reading, Language, Penmanship, History and Science) he's doing with Abeka DVD and getting A's and B's - Woot!


Tiger Lilly Blended High Schooler

PSAT test planned for next week Wed (10/15) at the local high school. She will not be studying for this. I am hoping that all her CLEP prep and math + logic skills will help her.

CLEP review for English COMPOSITION CLEP is going well. She is reviewing the InstantCert flashcards, using IXL.com for grammar drills, and taking sample test with Peterson and REA. Her test scores this week were: 21 (REA) Day 1, 32 (Peterson) Day 3, and 42 (Peterson) Day 5.  The goal is to get to 55% or higher by her test date 10/27.

Japanese: She is going over the curriculum I created for her last year that is composed of Youtube Videos, Writing 1 time a week in the notebook the letter of the week I give her. Also using Mango Languages for voice play practice.

Python and Java Programming: She works on both daily but loves her Landry Academy class and uses CodeAcademy.com daily for practice. She got a A on 2 of her programming projects with Landry in Python. Also, she's finishing up YouthDigital.com Mod Design in a few weeks and I'll start her on Ktbyte.com

Critical Thinking & Logic: with Currclick is also one of her favorite classes. She creates these little movie like clips for her homework and works with other kids in the class. She's at a high B in this class.

Algebra 2 - Problems! with Factoring. She forgot what she learned in Algebra 1. So to Youtube we went. Found a great video that broke down factoring of squares. She failed her Algebra 2 test with Abeka and we called the teacher who walked her through her notes and worked out a problem with her. I let her retake the test and she scored a 90%

Physics and Chemistry - She is doing well in both of these and likes the Abeka DVD experiments the most. She walked me through some of the easy ones to explain her labs.

Humanities - She's just watching the Education-Portal videos on this. She's enjoying them for a soft prep.

American Gov't, US History and Economics - are all going well. She's liking taking them together and seeing the full perspective on history. However, when we get to 1877 in US History we will stop and focus on studying for the CLEP for US History 1 and switch from Abeka to Education-Portal.

WriteGuide.com and Time4Writing.com - She works on these combined about 3 days a week. She likes them both but for different reasons. The WriteGuide is for her Analysis of Literature to prepare her for that Clep and the Time4Writing is more grammar mechanics based so to her it's a full class. Both of these end at the end of October and she will be starting another writing program.

WORKING PARENT's LOG

Meals. Totally behind the 8-ball this week since we traveled over the weekend. So Monday we had a microwave heat up meal that wasn't too popular. Tuesday I dashed out to the grocery store and we had great meals on Tue-Thu and Friday is Chinese.

Cleaning. We are saving all cleaning for everyone except the kitchen for Saturday. Hubba is feeling better and can help out now.

Work & Life Balance. This went well this week. The day gig is very flexible (except Monday I had to work late which is why Rose helping out was great). However, my side business had a deadline due that kept me up some nights working on. But it's a good diversion from homeschooling.

Lesson Planning. Again this week I only got 1 week of lesson plans done - BUT, the day gig gives me holiday's off so I hope to catch up next Monday. The block schedule is working out great though!

Rest. Back on schedule and I got 6 hours sleep on Mon night (also a quick nap that day since I had my home helper over). Tue I snuck in a 30 min power nap, then got 6 hours sleep that night. Wed and Thursday were great! Friday I wanted to crash. Even though the kids have activities on Saturday morning, I have cancelled them to allow myself and them Saturday mornings to sleep in.

The Qualities of an Innovator a Hero?

Did you know that I write? Novels about heroes. And I realized that with the talk of 'over active, non-controlled kids' we may be actually suppressing our future heroes and innovators. Or just those kids like mine  - the hyper, overactive thinkers that like to take risk.

I know that may seem far fetched, but as an Engineer by day, I'm telling you I work with some amazing people. People that today, would've been unacceptable to our 'modern school system'.

PEOPLE WHO ARE OR SEEM FEARLESS

Think back, research, really take a deep look a history. Those men that did the impulsive became great - even if it was for GOOD or otherwise.

King David - a boy, a tiny boy, who impulsively and fearlessly knocked out a giant that those before him couldn't.

Or those extreme sports athletes like Tony Hawk and others, let's be honest, an ordinary kid would NEVER attempt to jump those heights on a skateboard, or do flips and tricks on a snowboard.

Impulsiveness = Adventurous

So when you are working with your son or daughter that seem a bit out of control, bold, impulsive, does things that you just can't fathom - realize that you may very well be raising the next HERO.

This I'm writing for my little Speed Racer. You and my Razor Ray are my 'adventurous spirits' and I'm so happy to be your mom. You keep my mind sharp, my heart full, and my imagination constantly working.

MY WEEKLY WRAPUP for Homeschooling

This week nothing went as planned. That really bugs me because I am an obsessive organizer and planner. After a few deep breaths I figured it out.

WEEKLY WRAP UP

A SNAG.

Speed Racer, due to horsing around in his dance class, was asked to postpone his time on his 'dance crew'. (I know when he gets older he will cringe that I'm writing this but I figure other parents have the same challenges).

He took it hard, the first day, then we talked to him. He still is going to the dance lessons, but I've filled his 'social' time with a new sport - Tennis.

It was a bummer that this happened his birthday weekend. He tried to act like nothing happened with him and the other boy (the kids all tease each other, he participated also, but he's the noobie and has some rather quick witted words). Nonetheless, we think him sticking with breakdancing for fun and not competition fits him best. He needs to be occupied the entire time.

New curriculum we are trying.
Speed Racer's all to help his Spelling issue.

Spelling You See  - we started it this week and he really likes it. Surprise!
Sequential Spelling  - yes we are still doing this too, but he likes it because he doesn't have to study.
Abeka Spelling - only doing word introduction.

For Tiger Lilly she hates Spanish :-(  so Abeka Spanish is a gone. Replaced by:

Manga Languages - it was love at first sight - and FREE from our Library!
Japanese (remember this? She loves this language).
French (she has to learn some before her Mission Trip with Landry)

Tiger Lilly, is 'cramming' for her Composition CLEP. We are crossing our fingers since she will be taking this in 3 weeks.

She is using (1) IXL to practice her grammar (2) Instantcert & SpeedyPrep (3) REA & Peterson Test
When she can do a 56% or better on consecutive test then I'll know she's ready.

Unfortunately, due to her habit of drawing during her video lessons lately, her test and quiz grades dropped.

Now she has to get her 'class notes' for each day, signed off by me before she can move on to her next class. Not to mention, I will be sitting in the teacher chair to keep control of the (see below)


More Horsing Around!

I've had to move back to my 'teacher' chair smack in the middle of Tiger Lilly and Speed Racer in order to get our work done on time.

Note Taking is a must! So I had to put a RULE up on the wall to remind Tiger Lilly and Speed Racer.

Lately, they've been making jokes, throwing their stress balls (that I removed) and taking forever to get their work done.

Field Trip!

New York City here we go baby. Not! Had to cancel since Hubba is still recovering. So we gave out timeshare stay in Manhattan to my brother in law who lives in NY but is having home renevations.

Instead we are visiting friends in New Jersey for a sleep over where Speed Racer can play with my friend's 3 boys (a rough and tumble weekend). I am really happy I have friends with boys that my son can be rough with.

Since Hubba isn't feeling up to all the walking, we just relaxed and shopped at a few shops.

WORKING PARENT's LOG

Meals. Yay me! I'm on a slow roll. Had to leave work early on Monday to go grocery shopping. We celebrated Speed Racer's birthday and went to dinner and a movie on Sunday - my food shopping day. Never fear! I still had some seasoned turkey and a few cans of cream of mushroom soup to make our crockpot dinner on Monday. The rest of the week went by (I only do dinner Mon-Thu since Friday is pizza day.)

Cleaning. Did not happen, but I did get some clothes cleaned. They are piled up on the couch waiting to be folded and put away. It will happen before Sunday. I promise.

Work & Life Balance. This is going okay. I did manage to get a lot of sleep over the weekend. Therefore, Monday and Tuesday were a breeze. However, fatigue caught up to me on Wed. since I gave Hubba the week off from evening schooling that he 'manages' uh, teaches. I love my field of work though and the job is working out well with my homeschooling schedule.

Lesson Planning. Still barely doing it on time. I tried to do 3 weeks in one sitting but that didn't happen. So, I will try again next week to do 2 weeks in 1 sitting. It takes 2 hours for each week of planning. Where am I going to find that?

Rest. Not too good. Taking over my husband's late shift for teaching meant only getting 4 hrs sleep a night. Yikes! On Wed. I didn't even get a quick nap in since I had a business meeting for a side endeavor.

THE CALM DOWN LIST - Revisited

My 4th grader used to have a terrible temper. I mean really at 9yrs old he was still having tantrums. I have to admit it was pay back. I used to be one of those moms that watched a child have a tantrum like his in the store and thought the parent was being irresponsible. He's the youngest of my 4 kids and I have never had this problem with my other kids.

Uhum, well now I see that every child is different.

There were lots of possible reasons for my 4th grader to have this issue with his temper. I've never gotten him tested for any medical 'prognosis' to his behavior, but plenty of his former teachers loved throwing around words or diagnosis without proper training. The odd thing was, he was a great kid who listened, rarely had tantrums at home - with mom and dad. But when he was with other people, it was a different story.

SO YOUR KID HAS ISSUES

Well I knew I could take him to see someone about his anger issues. But the deal is - I - ME - PARENT would have to work on those challenges with my kid everyday. And I knew my kid better than anyone. If it was consistent behavior done at home and at school, my initial solution would've been different.

The most that happened at home was a stomping to the time-out corner, mumbling under his breath and when I wasn't looking throwing something down. But when he was with his grandmother, teacher or friends he had a temper and a mean, disrespectful mouth.

Now, even though my kid didn't display this behavior with me or my husband face to face. I knew I had to find a way to work with him on a daily basis.

THE LIST

So, I came up with the CALM DOWN list. I made this specific to my kid's issues. Controlling his temper, not having a tantrum, not yelling, learning to calm down, don't internalize things when they don't go his way.

This list of 10 things that he needs to do to calm down, evaluate the problem, open communication and gain forgiveness was a lifesaver.

THE MANTRA

We read the list every single day before we start our homeschool. I read it with him. He mumbles it sometimes. We sing it sometimes. We chat about it at times. AND when he is having an issue, I read it as I set the 'time out' timer. He either spends that 'time out' in the corner, on the couch, on the floor, with his head on his desk - OR - on mom's lap with her arms around him.

AN ENTIRE VILLAGE

This has worked for us because everyone in the house knows about Speed Racer's list. I take it with me and now Speed Racer 'remembers' his list that he doesn't have to read it every day, multiple times. Now he knows how to calm himself down.

THE LIST: (Make it specific to the needs of your child. Keep it for at least 6 months til it's memory)

1) It's not so bad.
2) Breathe slowly. Relax your shoulders. Count to 10.
3) Don't beat yourself up. Hit a pillow - anything besides YOURSELF
4) Pray for peace inside your head.
5) Tell your story - slowly and respectfully.
6) Take control. 'I am in charge of my own choices and perception'
7) Find small physical distractions. Squeeze a stress ball. Pet our Dog.
8) Talk. Be respectful though. Don't suffer in silence.
9) Tell how you want to turn the situation around.
10) You're not always going to get your way, so don't expect to. Don't plan on everything to come out perfectly

WHAT WOULD YOU PUT IN YOUR CALM DOWN LIST?

CAN LABELING CHILDREN BY THIER BEHAVIOR BE HARMFUL

I've met LOTs and LOTs of parents, teachers and non-parents who are closet MDs. That whenever they see a child act a certain way or behave a certain way they have a name for it.

Sad to say we throw around the word/diagnosis "ADD" or "ADHD" like it's a band aid for all types of kids.  We even joke about it, like it's nothing but a 'catch phrase' to explain super-activity or no focus.

I know we love having a name and a box for people, especially children, but it has been proven to be completely overdone.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG THERE WAS NO NAME

There wasn't very many people knowledgeable about ADD or ADHD or AUTISM or OPPOSITIONAL DEFIENCE when I was younger. However, there was a use of the word, "STRONG WILLED CHILD". And I hate to admit it, but I like the 'strong willed child' label better.

With the onset of medicating kids, some who really needed, others who could go without, and most who are seriously MIS-DIAGNOSED by people who aren't professionals in the medical field. I prefer things when I was younger.

Even if a kid had tendencies or issues above, society, parents, teachers, and even other kids just adjusted to it.

WHY DO PARENTS INTRODUCE A CHILD'S LABEL WITH THE CHILD'S NAME

This personally upsets me. I have met parents who tell me their kids name, then explain to me all the medical issues their kid has in one sentence. Truth is, "I want to know your kid without their diagnosis."

Try not focusing on your child's differences or challenges. Focus on ALL the positive blessings having such a child yields.

I want to tell these parents - 'Your child can hear you telling all their business' (remember my grandma said you don't need to tell everyone all your business, let them get to know you on their own)

HOW DOES YOUR LABELING AFFECT YOUR CHILD?

When a parent spells out to other parents, kids, etc that something is wrong with their kid before you even get to interact with the child, I'm sure that kid feels awful.

Your kid hears it EVERYTIME you say it. 'Well you know he's got ADD' or 'She's been diagnosed as ...'

I used to watch my neighbor's daughters cringe whenever their mom met a new lady or kids and she had to share that two of her girls suffered from 'ADHD' and they were adopted. I had to wonder if the parent was doing this for herself - to make us other parents feel bad for her kids/or her - or to prepare us to not judge when she couldn't or wouldn't attempt to control the behavior of her child.

Before you say something about your child while your kid is standing there, imagine how'd you feel if your parent, husband, or even child mentioned ... 'Mommy and Daddy have yelling problems'.

MISSING THE MARK - WRONG ASSUMPTIONS

Now for the longest, I've had people assume that my BOYs were 'ADD' or 'ADHD' because they both were high energy, strong personalities and they sometimes had tantrums (oh my!).

But what people didn't know that both of my sons were subjected to bullying and mistreatment by several teachers and students while in school.

Those situations caused both kids to kind of gain a 'Fight Back' spirit. They were great and well mannered at home. But at school they were aggressive, verbal, and rather bored.

After taking both of my boys at different times to doctors for evaluation, their Pediatrician and Therapist noted that they were fine, intelligent kids and they would out grow much of their hyper and impulsive 'kid' behavior.

You know what? They did. The magical age was 12 yrs old for my oldest son. My youngest son is turning  10 yrs old and with homeschooling he's totally calmed down.

Somethings I noticed about my kids - they lacked the proper amount of sleep. My youngest suffered from 'Sleep Apnea' so we had his tonsils and abnoids removed. It made a big difference in his sleeping habbits and crankiness.

GET A DIAGNOSIS FROM A DOCTOR...not A-wanna be

So I mention this to say, before you allow yourself to be 'bullied' into thinking you need to medicate or evaluate your child. Go to a certified DOCTOR! A teacher, a friend, your mom, is not qualified to make these diagnosis based on their personal opinion.

WHAT HAS YOUR EXPERIENCE BEEN WITH LABELING?

When You Have A Bad Week

WHAT A WEEK! O_o

Yikes!

Oh my goodness we'd had some good weeks. BUT this one, it was soooooo difficult.

FROM BAD TO WORSE

The week started off on a pretty positive note. Both kids finished their work efficiently which made for a shorter school day in total.

Speed Racer was finished in 3 hrs flat and Tiger Lilly was punching in at 4 hrs even with 'homework'. But a few days into the week, things started to go down hill.

DAY THREE WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Yep, it was on Wednesday that the week started a downhill spiral. For some reason Speed Racer, although appearing awake and alert, was having the following problems.

- Not Following Directions on the First Request
- Talking Back - and not respectfully
- Mini-Tantrums
- Prolonging  breaks
- Not wanting to finish work

Mom's problem...
- Allowing child's behavior to make her grouchy
- Not reading the Calm Down list herself, lol!
- Trying to continue school with neither the child or I was in a good mood

Now you know about our CALM DOWN LIST so the tantrums were minimum BUT several other things went wrong after now reflecting on them.

WHERE DID IT GO ASKEW

I noticed several things on Wed, Thu, and Friday mornings...Speed Racer wasn't in bed fast asleep. He was caught on Wed (sneaking into his room), Thurs (I could've sworn I heard him come up the stairs and get into his bunkbed), Friday morning he came and gave me a 'sleepy hug' when I got up at 4am to go to work.

Also, Dear Loving Husband purchased a bag of candy for Speed Racer, I found the large bag of candy in the kid's bed.

Did I mentioned that Mom didn't get her daily 'power nap' either? Because when I have that, I'm able to be a 'halk eye' and make sure Speed Racer doesn't sneak out of bed to go play video games.

WHAT TO DO?

Well with all of that chewing on, I realized I needed to fix some things.

When school is gone astray - save it for later. Take a break-not a punishment (deal with the punishment later when everyone is calm).

Realize that next week will get better. It's a new week.

Try to address, fix the things that went wrong the previous week.

And don't let the kid eat an entire bag of candy hidden in their bed late at night.